The Drunken Hobbit (Daddy Green’s Side of The Story)

Right so by this time i am sure you have read Mommy Boot’s side of things. I want to give you the sober perspective on how it went down. She and I had only recently started dating. So obviously we wanted to do everything together.

She came to me saying that one of her co-workers was going to be in a bikini contest at a local club.

DG: Really? That is cool I suppose

MB: I want to go. A bunch of people from work are going and I want to go.

DG: Don’t you have to be 21

MB: (with lips pursed)No, it is 18 and up. I want to go. (you got the idea of the sassy attitude right? cool)

Against my better judgment I agreed to go with her. I was 23 years old, but the club scene has never been something that I have been in to, not to mention I did not like one of the guys that was supposed to be there. So that whole afternoon MB was drinking since she would not be able to do so there. 

So we loaded up into my truck and headed that way. When we got there the parking lot was full of college kids (I know I was only 23, but I have always been an 85 year old man in my present day body….deal with it) Anyways, …college kids. I rolled my eyes as we walked up. The bouncer asked for MB’s i.d.. She did not remember to bring it. (Why? because she was already drunk)So with a bit of convincing he allowed her to go in, but not without putting two giant black x’s on her hands. He then took my i.d. and told me that if she was drunk when she came out it was on me. (The jack wagon could not tell she was already drunk, and since she wasn’t drinking there i thought she would be sober by the time we left)

We got inside and like the rest of the clubs around the world there were young drunken college kids rubbing all over each other. We found her friends at a table and I watched as she decided how she was going to climb into the high chair. This was funny since she is approximately the size of a keebler elf and she was drunk.

Then I was shocked to see she was drinking shots that her friend bought her, since she told me she wasn’t going to…Also a reason I did not like the guy there. After a couple of drinks several of her drunk girlfriends grabbed her and said they were going to dance…

This was very amusing, because they were all drunk off their collective asses.

This was very funny, because in their minds I am sure they all thought they were the sexiest things alive. They were doing similar moves and I am sure they thought they looked something like this.



When they actually looked like this. They were tripping each other and falling all over the place. So that brightened my mood a bit.

Soon after MB said she needed to go to the bathroom. I offered to go with her, but she refused and said she was fine. She slid out of the chair and almost fell. I decided to follow her.

She was in the bathroom for five or ten minutes. I actually thought she may have passed out. I was to the point where i was about to ask someone to go in with her. When I saw her walking out with a waitress. She told me that I had to get the very drunk MB out of there right now before we got into trouble. I still had to get my i.d. back.

Now since I am a genius and it wasn’t the first time I had to smuggle a girl out of a club (another story) I told MB to lean against me and to not say anything. I put my arm around her and we walked to the door. The bouncer started flipping through his book and held up my i.d.. Then looked at MB I snatched the i.d. out of his hand, said thanks and walked her out.

Once we got back to the truck I could not be mad at her. She started drunkenly sobbing, apologizing, and looking like she is gonna vomit. So I had to take care of her. The next morning she didn’t remember much so I didn’t really discuss it. But, since I was the greatest bf ever I think I deserve some sort of prize….

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4 Responses to The Drunken Hobbit (Daddy Green’s Side of The Story)

  1. Okay I read both sides and it’s confirmed that you both crack my ass up, and when MB said she slid/fell off the chair – since I at 5’4″ have done this move myself to varying levels of fail – I think I woke people up laughing.

  2. Kelly Dyer says:

    I’ve heard this story before, but it’s so much better seeing it plain as day, in black and white. You guys are awesome!

  3. Becky says:

    Well, now I want to hear the story about the other girl you snuck out of a club…

    And you’re right. You have been 85 as long as I’ve known you 😉

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