I was fighting Zombies

I was going to write a witty post today about how I wanted to murder our neighbor that rev’s his motorcycle up every time Rose is napping.

I was going to write this when we came back from our walk outside. However, it was delayed because we were fighting zombies.

We were walking around the apartments and we both heard brains…

Daddy Green: Rose I think we should go back inside.

Rose: oops I just crapped my pants father…

Zombie: BRAINS…

I stood there for a minute deciding if we should run inside, or if I would rather fight zombies instead of pick up a poop covered Rose. Fighting Zombies did sound better.

We both saw them coming at us and did not know what to do.

I picked up a log….What? No I didn’t have a shotgun. I was walking with my daughter and had no idea the zombie apocalypses was upon us! Stop interrupting…Where was I?

Oh yeah, I picked up a log and Smacked one in the head (I like Smackin’em) smashing it. That one fell at our feet.

Daddy Green: Run back to the apartment Rose

Zombies: BRAINS…

Rose: Daddy I can’t even walk well yet, and don’t forget the oops I just crapped my pants thing, you kinda need to take care of that

Zombies: BRAINS…

I picked her up and ripped her pants away, took her shit filled crap sack off her bum and tossed it at one of the zombies. It hit it in the face and it stopped immediately.

The zombie just stood there with a look  on his face that said…Should I wipe it off or leave it on, wipe it off or leave it one. This is gross but I don’t want to get it on my hands.

I just looked at him with a little bit of pity because I have been there too. Then I remembered Zombies were trying to eat us. So we ran back up to the apartment. Rose was laughing the whole way (she loves for me to carry her upside down)

I had crap all over me because I had not cleaned her up yet. So I had to clean her up and take a shower.  This is why I have not had time to sit down and write a witty post about murdering cyclist enthusiasts.

Of course none of this actually happened, but I believe I am going to use I was fighting zombies as an excuse for anything I do not feel like doing from now on.

Boss: Green, why are you late for work?

Daddy Green: Sorry boss I was fighting zombies.

Mommy Boots: You are the sexiest man aliv….(wrong post)….Why have you not cleaned the dishes dear? You were home all day.

Daddy Green: Sorry gorgeous, I was occupied defending our only child from zombies…

You could change it up too.

Daddy Green’s Parents: Why have you not brought Rose over here? And where are the pictures you were supposed to bring?

Daddy Green: Sorry mom I turned into a zombie. I did not think you would want a zombie grandchild at your house….ehem I mean BRAINS…

 

Daddy Green’s Mom: What!?! You turned our granddaughter into a zombie?

Daddy Green: No BRAINS I turned Mommy Boots BRAINS into a zombie BRAINS and she turned Rose into one…..BRAINS!

I think it will work out. You know as long as you have a good enough story to back it up. To me fighting zombies at least is an entertaining excuse. Beats the hell out of I dunno as an excuse.

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This entry was posted in Family, Fatherhood, Humor, imagination, rose, zombies. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to I was fighting Zombies

  1. Me thinks you has finally lost it brudda LMAO

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