He only half dies who leaves an image of himself in his son.

When Natalie and I were beginning to try to conceive for the first time I admit I wanted our first to be a boy. I wanted a boy for several reasons. I am the last person to carry our family name with the chance to pass it on to my sons. I also thought that my son would be the image of me that no daughter ever could. Do not misunderstand I wanted a daughter too, but not as badly as I wanted a son. I so badly wanted the proverbial heir to my not so rich kingdom.

When we went in for our first ultrasound I remember being so nervous.  The doctor almost got to where were going to be able to find out and had a call and had to leave for twenty extra minutes.  When she came back the baby had shifted so that she did not have a clear view. She said she thinks it is a girl, but she wasn’t 100% sure.  I admit I was a bit disappointed. I tried my hardest to hide it from my overly impregnated emotional wife. An endeavor I believe I fell short in, but I tried anyways.

After the ultrasound she began calling everyone giving them the news. I kept telling her that the doctor was not 100% and she didn’t need to tell them that, because it may still be a boy. To which she would just glare at me. So a couple more weeks and we opted to get a 4-D ultrasound.  It was pretty clear in it that we were having a little girl.

I knew I was going to have to come to grips with my future daughter and accept it. Which eventually I did. I accepted the decor that we were buying and the clothes and toys. Then the day came where she was going to be here any time and I was excited and scared at the thought of something going wrong…

He only half dies who leaves an image of himself in his son…What a load of shit! I am going to go ahead and tell all of you soon to be dads out there that this couldn’t be further from the truth in my case. I do not think a child son or daughter could have more of my personality and appearance than my little girl has. She is more than I ever expected a son could be. From the moment the nurses were cleaning her up and she reached out and grabbed my finger (while simultaneously wrapping my heart around hers) I had such pride in what was laying before me. In her eleven months she has been here she has surpassed all of my fatherly expectations and surprises me every day.

Every day I think the love and pride I feel for my little Hobbit couldn’t get any larger, and every day it continues to do so. Now I am ashamed that I ever felt the way that I did. She is more than I ever dreamed…

This entry was posted in About Me, Family, Fatherhood. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to He only half dies who leaves an image of himself in his son.

  1. Aw your post made me cry…. and then I got to the part where you called your daughter a Hobbit and I laughed. Well done.

    I felt the same way – except because I wanted a girl and had a boy – and now? I can’t even imagine having a girl… like I want my next to be a boy too! But I’m sure that’d all change again if it was a baby girl 🙂

    is “that’d” not a word? my computer is underlining it like i’m stupid.

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